Just in under the wire here. I nearly broke our appointment.
- The Bears are who we thought they were. The 49ers are much worse than I thought they were. A man fitting my description was sighted around Baltimore Friday evening, drunkenly guaranteeing that the Niners would beat the absurd spread. I have since fired my offensive coordinator.
- But what do I know? I don't add value. When it comes to football, I am merely a conduit for received wisdom. I might gussy it up a bit. Slap a little lipstick on the tart's cold sores, that sort of thing. But I can't do much more than recite things like, "This is the National Football League, and you can't turn the ball over five times and expect to djflkh; ab asfd ;kl etc."
- A few utterly arbitrary names for you to savor, just to help you get through the autumn and winter before pitchers and catchers report: Charlie Kerfeld. U.L. Washington. Napoleon Lajoie. Billy North. Chet Lemon. Bump Wills.
- Billy Beane doesn't want to, but he should hire Ron Washington anyway. Washington's endless carousel through sham interviews as the Token Negro is becoming embarrassing for all parties save Washington himself. He's managing to muster dignity from what must surely be a bottomless reserve. Hire Wash.