David Brooks' Personal Hygiene Diary

7:15 am: Brushed teeth, showered, evacuated bowels; not necessarily in that order. Some secrets will go to my grave with me.
8:00 am: Forestalled any incipient choad infection by rhythmic, abrading application of nylon rope soaked in hydrogen peroxide. Q: Can one be too careful with the choad? A: That's a layup. No.
8:05 am: Time to address the blackheads. Hello, Biore nose strip. Goodbye, waxy buildup. Before removing strip, pretended to be an athlete wearing a Breathe-Right strip. Made "intimidation" face into mirror.
8:10 am: Almost ready for productive day inserting my tongue into the asshole of President Bush and pointing out foibles of rich, white liberals. But first: groomed landing strip.
8:30 am: Go-time. Kick the tires & light the fires. Lock & load. Vamos a "do this thing."

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