My shot at the Pulitzer

'Sfunny. Every time I've been watching a Steelers game with friends who are, shall we say, not football fans, Bill Cowher's face elicits the same reaction: "Who's that guy? He looks like a cock."

Of course he looks like a cock. Would shaving the moustache help? Difficult to say. With most people, I believe it would help. Take Jeff Kent. With the moustache, he's like a pouty CHP officer who just caught his girlfriend humping her Pilates instructor, so you'd damn well better put your hands on the wheel and put up with his entirely forced cool-cucumber act. Without the moustache, he's just a whiny David Eckstein. But Cowher, boy, I think his face has reserves of cockitude that go well beyond his facial hair. The jut of the chin, the squinty little pig eyes.