Sunday, July 31, 2005

I'm an ideer man

Now, I'm no impresario, despite my prodigious organizational skills and deep love of the theater. That said, I have a couple of ideas that are close to being greenlighted. The latter comes from a Thanksgiving dinner with friends a few years back, but I'll be generous with the royalties.

  1. Imagine Broadway darlings Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick in a steel cage match. I'm telling you-- boffo box office. New Yorkers' love of cage fighting, exhibiting a spooky periodicity, has waxed again following the NYT's latest foray into midwestern anthropology. And then you've got Broderick and Lane. Two men enter-- and let's be frank here-- two men leave, in all likelihood. Still.
  2. Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, and Pierce Brosnan: all still alive, apparently. Imagine them united on the off-Broadway stage as a small, plucky theater company. The James Bond Players. Their choices would be eclectic and unpretentious. A fresh take on Neil LaBute, with Lazenby in drag playing the victimized women. Ibsen-- Roger Moore would make a formidable Hedda Gabler. Staged versions of banal American sitcoms of the 1980s, with certain angles played up for contemporary, post-9/11 resonance (The Facts Of Life, say, set in Guantanamo. I'm not wed to casting specifics here, but Connery was born to play Jo). In the summertime, outdoor Shakespeare performances in Tompkins Square Park. All's Well That Ends Well, with Lazenby again rushing around the stage in drag, doing double duty as Helena and the Countess. Gold.