Wednesday, December 21, 2005

They tend to wiggle when they swim

I'm trying to start a National Conversation About Fish in this country; it's uphill hoeing. To spark some cracklin' dialogue about this elephant in the room, here are some possibly controversial propositions:

  • Fish are magical creatures that shimmer beneath the membrane of reality.
  • My staple dish, farfalle in a tuna/garlic/onion/tomato sauce, might cause pregnant women to have retarded babies, but there's no harm & no foul when I eat it, unless mercury is associated with increased risk of myocardial infarction.
  • One should catch & release using barbless hooks.
  • The Japanese art of Gyotaku, or fish prints, rocks the house.
  • The most exciting fish to catch is the striped bass, unless you're Ernest goddamned Hemingway and wrassle with tropical beaked fish in little chartered vessels operated by colored people while you swill Red Stripe and daydream of Joe DiMaggio.
  • One must gather up all the first graders and write "Trout Fishing In America" in chalk upon their backs.
  • If, as in Iceland, you must bury something before you eat it, better to just order Chinese takeout.