Humble nuggets

• Life is cruel, but baseball season starts soon.
• The Northeast Market in Baltimore is pretty much a giant public health menace, with disgusting greasy food stalls and vermin &c; armed robberies right outside are alarmingly frequent. But it's cheap. Anyhoo, at the Korean-run "Surf & Wok" you can get a weird amalgam of Mexican and Asian food. For $3 you get the "chicken fajita wrap": teriyaki chicken with Sriracha chili sauce, rice, cheese, sour cream, tomato, and lettuce.
• Which reminds me of the Ruthlessly Efficient Korean Bagelry on the 2100 block of P St. in DC. I can't describe its wonders, other than to say that it is ruthlessly efficient.
• The other day, me & my friend were invited (out of desperation) to attend a fundraising breakfast for the mentoring program in which we lazily participate. I'd kind of like to flesh this story out in its own post, but let me just say that my friend killed at the breakfast. Had the room in the palm of his hand. And it reminded me (because this is really about me) that I really need to practice my anecdotes.
• It hasn't escaped my attention that CC&P is in a bit of a slump. A week without posting. 4 bullet points with no jokes or even points. I'll get my swing back, though. I just need to keep working on fundamentals, and it'll come. Gotta stick my stick up.

cloglog

I'd just like you all to know that the 27 pounds of Argentine beef I consumed are still making their way through my system.

Happy Nightmare Baby.

3 daily sights

• An advertisement on Baltimore city buses, featuring a syringe labeled "HEROIN" being split in twain by a glorious cross. "The ONLY faith-based methadone program! $11/day".
• A giant billboard, featuring a profile of Rodin's The Thinker. "AM I THE DADDY? DNA paternity testing."
• A big armored van parked by route 83, with bright orange and red lettering heralding mobile bail bonds services.

Mighty winds

A week in Buenos Aires, and every observation I have about the place is grounded in cliché. It is very European. There is lots of tasty beef. There is some tango, which is very sexxxy. Emaciated over-surgified women run rampant. I failed to spot any Nazi war criminals. I hopscotched through no infinite libraries. I drank good, inexpensive, red wine.

I am a failure as a blogger and as a human being.

The week's love affairs

I am SO SORRY for being out of touch. I love you all,

• Athens, Georgia
• Mr. Wayne Thiebaud
• Joni Mitchell
• Jack Clark
• Patrick Fitzgerald
• Joanathan Didion
• The brave marine biologists dedicated to ferreting out the Giant Squid
• Mel Blanc
• Samantha Power
• Chet Lemon
• Lisa Nowak
• Sam Flanagan, whose merging of Lily Allen's "LDN" and the Stone Roses' "Waterfall" overwhelmed any possible objections
• Omar Vizquel
• Patterson [duckpin] Bowling Center, Baltimore, MD

In Buenos Aires (I am so goddamned fancy) until next week. Stay sweet.

3 things and a picture of Kent Tekulve

• Baltimore would do well to change its slogan from "BELIEVE" to "GIVE UP."


• Do you have this problem? I often forget to set Itunes to shuffle, and as a consequence, I've heard the opening bars of the 13th Floor Elevators' "Slip Inside This House" about 5000 times.


• Great quote from John Ashbery, via the Dust Congress: "I often wonder if I am suffering from some mental dysfunction because of how weird and baffling my poetry seems to so many people and sometimes to me too."


• happy birthday kenton tekulve

What's in the box?

Once my friend and I found a dead osprey on a street corner in Baltimore. It was very large, flawless, and still warm. This seemed strange at the time. We wrapped it in a discarded fleece blanket and put it in a cardboard box. This seems strange in retrospect. We carried it down the street, intending to give it a Viking funeral (set box afire & set it adrift in the harbor). A homeless man asked, "What's in the box?" We said, "Dead osprey." He said, "You mean that bird? Oooooooh, I saw him hit the window. Smack!" As often happens, we were distracted by a bar. We entered the bar and drank, using the mysterious box rather successfully as a conversation piece. We were asked to leave the bar.

This reminds me (for no reason) of a homeless guy in San Francisco who would exhort passers-by to take a bag that was sitting on the sidewalk. "Take the bag. Aren't you curious? It's yours. Take the bag. There is two million dollars in that bag. I am conducting a social experiment. Take the bag. Take the bag!" Nobody would ever take the bag. There was a pair of tennis shoes and a hoodie in the bag.